How to deal with the travel “haters”

BY ONEIKA RAYMOND

Are family, friends, and/or strangers unsupportive of your travel plans or nomadic lifestyle? Here’s why– and how to cope.

International travel is a lifestyle for me, so needless to say I’m on the road more often than most.  While I’m forever blessed to have very supportive people in my corner,  sometimes I announce I’m going somewhere and I get this reaction:

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To which I’m like:

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Rain on your travel parade can be hard to stomach, especially when you’ve put your blood, sweat, tears, and hard-earned savings into organizing a getaway or establishing this way of life.  The side-eyes and snarky comments can make you feel small, frivolous, and as though you’re being judged; the assumption that you’re away too much, being irresponsible with your finances, or lackadaisical about your job can be both insulting and hurtful.

As travel for leisure, education, and business becomes more prevalent, I’ve received a growing number of emails from readers seeking advice on this very topic. As such, I figured I’d share my strategies for dealing with those travel “haters”. So let’s get it cracking, shall we?

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At the pyramids of Giza in Cairo, Egypt

Why they throw more shade than Rihanna’s umbrella

Tackling a problem always involves examining the deeper issues it stems from.  It’s easy to dismiss travel “haters” as jealous, but you know what? I’d contend that they may really be a mixture of the following:

a) They’re operating from a place of fear or a place of ignorance/not knowing

They may not travel often and/or view the world as a big, scary place (thanks, media!) You are doing something that, for them, is dangerous and stupid.  They fear for your safety and wellbeing and think all this hot-footing around the globe with seemingly reckless abandon might hamper your current and future career prospects. So they project their worry and concern on you, sometimes quite indelicately. Case in point: when I moved to Mexico for a year, one of my friends snarkily told me, “Don’t get shot”.

b) They’re afraid of losing you (metaphorically)

Your newfound wanderlust is causing you to grow and change in ways they don’t understand. The fact that you now talk about working remotely from Cambodia, or going to study Spanish in Spain for a year, is not only unfathomable to them but terrifying. What place will they have in your life once time zones and plane rides separate you?  Will you go away and never come back?  Your interests and realities, once on the same path, have begun to diverge because of your travel itch. Will you ever be able to relate to each other again?

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The day before running with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain

c) They’re afraid you’ll look down on them for not adopting a similar lifestyle

The best offense is a good defense, right? I mean, you’re there talking about how divine the port wine was in Portugal while their last drink was a Coors at the college bar down the street. It’s thus natural for them to fear you might think they don’t “measure up”! I often lament that extensive international travel is held in such high esteem these days that it’s (supposedly) become a marker  of class, culture, and success.  For those who aren’t able to engage (or heck, can, but just don’t want to!) making a dismissive remark or two about your jetsetting ways is a way to recalibrate the seesaw.  It’s not jealousy, per se, but a defense mechanism to deflect their insecurities.

d) They actually *are* just jealous

I’ve put the word “hater” in quotations up until now because I really believe that the negative reactions we sometimes receive aren’t necessarily borne of malice.  However, let’s call a spade a spade: sometimes folks are straight up jealous and hateful– for myriad reasons that are difficult to discern or decipher. So when that green-eyed monster rears its head it can incinerate all that lies in its wake. Welp.

How to cope with the hateration on your [travel] dancery

So now that you’ve identified the sources of the malcontents’ discontent, here are a few strategies to deal with it.  Because, to borrow the words of Mary J. Blige, we “don’t need no hateration, holleratin’/ In this dancery” am I right?! Right.

1. Don’t engage in a debate about the merits of travel

There’s no point in wasting your breath or keystrokes defending your life choices– save the soapbox for a more pressing issue.  Instead, stay unbothered and employ the strategy of “show, don’t tell”: demonstrate how awesome you think travel is through doing, and through living your life to the absolute fullest.  

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Feeling small at Petra, in Jordan

2. Don’t shove it down their throats– offer tips how on they can travel, too

So often on social media I see people doing what I think of as the travel equivalent of thirst-trapping: post after post about their business class tickets, their afternoons spent sipping Dom Perignon on yachts in Croatia, or their evenings of being “enlightened” as they do yoga at the ashram in Southern India. Basically, I see fellow travellers bragging not-so-humbly about the glamorous aspects of travel, without providing insight into the not-so-sparkly side. Moreover, rarely do I see them offering tips or info about how to make all this fabulousness happen. Since it’s strictly a one-sided “look at me and how great my life is”, is it any wonder that the haters take the bait and rise to the shade-throwing occasion?

Before you point fingers and say that I’m being holier than thou, I admit that I have fallen prey to this tendency in the past.  It’s natural to want to show how much you’re thriving, but let’s be conscious of how it comes off to people and how it may be fanning the flames.  Look in the mirror and ask yourself, are you trying to empower or fuel envy amongst your peers?  And if are trying to fuel envy, why is that? Travel snobbery and pretentiousness aren’t cute– peep my video for my diatribe on the matter.  Check your privilege and remember that it’s NOT. THAT. DEEP. Like, for real. Like, for seriousssss. Really now, it’s just travel– you haven’t cured cancer!

3. Get them involved in your travel plans– empathize with their fears of losing you (both physically and metaphorically) 

As I outlined in the previous section, your friends, family, and followers may have negative things to say about your travels because they are coming from a place of fear and longing.  Curb that by making sure to involve your nearest and dearest at all levels of your sojourn. Send them a postcard. Ask them for advice. Keep in touch.

4. Surround yourself with other travel enthusiasts

Is the hate from your associates strong? Shake off the negative comments and talk to folks who understand and are excited about your travels (and you theirs). I’ve written before about the various travel groups that exist online– these are exactly the places where you can find your tribe. The added bonus is that online groups can lead to real world meetups, so your encounters on the web may just net you a travel buddy in real life.

5. Reflect on why what the “haters” think bothers you

This is the part where you introspect and ask yourself why these negative comments and reactions rattle you so.  It’s natural to seek validation in our life endeavours but more important that you remain convicted in the things you do and choices you make.  Does this “hate” touch a nerve because you’re afraid or unprepared to take the leap? This may signal that you’re not ready or that the trip is not the right one for you, for whatever reason.

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Vibin’ in Cape Town, South Africa

The bottom line

When it’s all said and done, travel is a highly personal endeavour that requires time and investment. You shouldn’t be made to feel bad about something you’ve worked hard to execute but you also need to refrain from showing off and seeking too much approval from others.  After all, your journey is yours and yours alone, so the path you take may not be for everyone.  And you know what?  That’s perfectly fine. My parting advice, then? Live, laugh, love, and travel. Responsibly.

Have you ever encountered people who “hate” on your travels?  How do you deal?

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How do deal with Travel Haters- Oneika the Traveller

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